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About the Author

Alison Quinn, '06 was psychology major with particular interests in biopsychology and neuropsychology. She completed two Lilly internships in ministry in Worcester and London during her time at HC. She has recently returned from Ecuador where she spent one year working with the Rostro de Cristo program.

Alison gave this talk at a recent Lilly-sponsored conference for Holy Cross alumnae: "Holy Cross Women and Ministry in the Catholic Church."

Thinking Outloud

When I was chosen to explore my own vocation discernment process and explain to you all today why I feel compelled to pursue a career in ministry, I was flooded with experiences that I have been fortunate to enjoy throughout my four years at Holy Cross. I didn't know where to begin! But just as God seems to guide me through everything these days, I was struck by a quotation that sits directly above my computer on my desk in my apartment. It reads, "dwell as near as possible to the channel in which your life flows." I feel the energizing force or channel behind me, and the motivation that drives me to do what I love, has greatly been my spiritual experiences here at Holy Cross and in the world.

It seems that the activities I arbitrarily felt compelled to sign up for at the chaotic co curricular extravaganza from day one at Holy Cross have led me to explore what I am passionate about and guided me through the journey of discovering my vocation. To me, a vocation is a very slow, evolutionary, and progressive process. As a freshman, I knew I wanted to nourish my faith life in some way (that was one of the main reasons I chose HC) but I did not know that it might possibly become a life work. I remember touring the campus as a senior in high school and being struck by the large amount of activism that was going on. I remember gravestones all over campus that had statistics about sexual assault written on them, petitions were being signed in Hogan, and advertisements for the upcoming Appalachia service trips were plastered everywhere. Compared to other schools, I noticed right away the strong presence of students who were heavily involved in community service and social advocacy groups. So when I arrived, I tried to remain open to where God was leading me, signing up for programs that I am still involved with today. My love for church ministry and working with kids has turned into a Lilly-funded internship at St. Bernard's church in Worcester for the second year now where I serve as the parish's youth minister. Also, the experience of going on the Mexico Immersion Trip twice enforced in me the urgent call to act on the part of the oppressed. This desire to work for social justice led me to an internship in a community center in London this summer, where I worked with refugee groups, the mentally ill, immigration services, and after-school programs. I feel that God has just been leading and leading me along, opening up doors, and providing me with incredible opportunities.

I had a unique experience this summer. I worked at a community center in East London and my boss, who really served more as a mentor, John Connor, pushed me to no end. He encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone, take risks, and not fill my day with endless activities but to really sit, allowing for long conversations, thus really knowing myself and others. He told me repeatedly about his theory on "SEE's," which stands for "significant emotional experiences." He said that it is in having SEE's, which may occur at any time, that you are pushed to grow as a person and further realize your passions. He says that for most people, SEE's are rare, as we often become trapped in the mundane ritualistic behavior of everyday life. However, working in such an incredibly diverse community (it is estimated that 160 languages are spoken in the borough I worked in!) and thus meeting such a wide range of people has allowed him to have many SEE's. These significant emotional experiences are all around us if we stop and look. He so eloquently described experiences that I have often felt during my years at Holy Cross. Experiences like Appalachia, Mexico, youth ministry, SPUD, and empowering classes with terrific professors have taught me about my passions and brought me to a heightened awareness of the wonders of God all around me. I think that it is in ministry that these experiences so often occur and I could not live a life where I felt that I was missing out on these opportunities for growth.

By far the most formative experience that has allowed me to see God so clearly and understand my role as a member of a global society under Christ has been while on the Mexico program the past two summers. I decided to go on the Mexico Immersion Program because I had always wanted to see Latin America and hoped to learn lifelong lessons about the world in which I live. I embarked on this new adventure with high hopes. Throughout my time in Mexico I was greeted with smiling faces and open arms. Families would enthusiastically share their homes to our group of 20; homes tiny in size, homes where seven children shared one bed, homes run by a brave and amazing mother, homes with no roof but lots of comfort, with little food but lots of heart. The age old expression "mi casa es su casa" was always used in these visits, and the meaning resonated within me. The hospitality shown to our group was something I had never experienced; the gratitude and eagerness to share their stories with us was something I longed to possess.

I'd like to share an excerpt from my journal written during the first time I was privileged to travel down there:

"Today we drove 9 hours to Tlapa, a tiny town in the state of Guerrero. While driving thorough the lush countryside, all I could think about was the vivid green encompassing everything. The color was everywhere and the rolling hills and diverse plants entranced me. I sat in the back row of our large, out of place, metro bus. Sliding the massive windows open, I stuck as much of my body out as possible, earphones on, gazing up into the hills as the green passes. As I become engulfed in the scenery, I notice a sombrero sticking out of the high grass and a donkey being pushed by a young boy through a new and hopeful field. As our bus flies by, with my friends laughing, eating, and watching movies, there were others, others outside pouring themselves into the fields, their hands forming the land, yielding the harvest, and working for change. Suddenly, outside there would be a whistle, a wave, and a smile. A smile. A bright, beaming, familiar smile coming out of the green. I smile back. The bus flies by. We then pass a child, who looks up, stops and laughs. I laugh back and give a wave. As we continue to drive, I become increasingly attuned to the people speckling the vast land. As we turn along the side of a mountain, almost to the edge, I look down and see a man and woman plowing the field. They stop, and frantically wave with all their being. I wave back and the bus continues. I feel connected, if only brief, to another. The moment passes and can never be revived but I remember and they remember."

Merely taking a moment to notice the constant wonder around us, to stop and take it all in, appreciating the depth of God's kingdom, of God's people here on earth, is something I struggle with everyday. I traveled thousands of miles into a country of foreign people, unfamiliar language, and different landscapes, and I realized how little I know. I was struck by Mexican hospitality and love, and I hope to live that spirit here in the United States.

And one more Mexico story I have to tell you all today is about an incredible woman named Estella. After inviting us into her home in an area of Cuernavaca, known as the Ravine, and telling us her story, she left us with these words. She said that whenever she feels lonely, and that no one is looking out for her, when the world is dark, she thinks of all the students that have come to her home and heard about her life, and she feels connected. She hopes that there are moments when we stop and think of her, and as long as there are moments, she is happy and feels like she has made an impact. She is my sister, part of one family. Like St. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 12, her life and my life are intertwined and there can be no separation under Christ, "for if one part suffers, all parts suffer; if one part is honored, all parts share its joy."

What I've realized is that I can see and live Mexico and my London experience every day, at every moment. I've tried to cultivate a heightened awareness of my surroundings, of the meaning behind my interactions, and of the presence of God in all things. It has transformed my impression of a community. Community does not just mean those family members and friends who are there for me, who I enjoy being around. It means breaking out of your comfort zone, having those SEE's. It includes all people. It is necessary as a member of our global community to attempt to understand how the majority of people in our world live and the interconnectedness of it all.

Vocation to me means "life work" and it is very distinct from the word "job." To me, a job is something that you attend to from 9 to 5 and I see it as separate from who you are as a person. A vocation is a "calling." It's 24 hours a day and is part of your character and your humanity. But, as Ignatius expresses in his writing, a vocation is evolutionary and a "trial and error" process in which you are constantly called to stop, contemplate, and reflect on what you have done and where you are headed. I do not know what I will be doing next year. But I know the person I want to be. I know that I want to remain open to the people that empower me, I know I want to live the experiences that challenge me, I know that I want to be as close as possible to my energizing force, and I know that I never, never, never want to stop dwelling near the invigorating channel in which my life flows.